Awkwardly Being Me

Okay, so if you've been following along on this fantastic journey of mine, you've seen that last year, two newspaper writers contacted me and wrote articles about the project. As I've stated before - this is always awkward for me because in my mind, the story is about the firefighters, not me. However, I do understand that THEIR story is about a woman who has nothing to do with the fire department but is shooting a documentary about it anyway.

This morning, I got up at my usual 6:30 (ish) and went through my usual morning routine. I was nervous - this time would be different. I was getting ready to meet with Walt Buteau of Channel 12 News to shoot a piece for his series, "Street Stories", about the documentary project. The last two instances of publicity for the project involved meeting for coffee and a super-long phone conversation, both of which were followed up by a couple of e-mails for clarification. This time involved ME being in FRONT of the camera. Allow me to digress...

I started my theatrical career when I was a toddler. No, I'm not kidding. My family used to do parties and events as a clown family and I did that with them when I was just a year or two old. My "stage name" then was "Smiley" and I even had my own signature denim hat with yellow daisies sewn onto it. I do remember a couple of events that we did, but I don't remember it well. My first real "stage" performance took place in 1976 at Providence City Hall's Bicentennial event. It wasn't a speaking part, but it was very important. I was dressed as the Statue of Liberty. Mom's Girl Scout troop, of which I was the mascot, put on a mini-cabaret of patriotic songs and at the end of it, the girls formed a "V", then split apart and I came walking out in the middle of all of them. That even made the evening news at the time. I have since done a great many stage plays and have done some film work in the past - I appeared in a cable tv documentary years ago for Girl Scouts and I've also made corporate-type videos. So, needless to say, being in front of a camera doesn't normally faze me - it's not foreign territory for me.

This morning, however, was different. I think I pinpointed the problem - once again, this isn't about ME. This wasn't an acting job - I had to be me. I didn't have the "comfort zone" of playing a character. I wasn't able to hide behind that mask of the theatre. That's kind of scary.

Anyway, the weather this morning was awful - cold, rainy... the type of day that makes you want to crawl back into bed, pull up the covers and hope for the sun tomorrow morning. Walt called me around 8:30 - we were originally planning to shoot the piece in front of the Washington Street Fire Station in Providence. Well, that wasn't such a great idea in the nasty weather conditions. Luckily, I had called my good friend, Lt. Ernie Young, last night and talked with him about the possibility of filming with him and the guys on Engine 8. Ernie, as always, was willing to help out however he could. I suggested this to Walt and he thought it was perfect, so we agreed to meet at the Messer Street Fire Station instead for 9:30.

Excellent. A stay of execution! So I regrouped and geared myself up for then. As per usual... with the unpredictability of the fire service... all was not well.

I had tried to get hold of Ernie and was unable to. That told me that they were catching early morning runs - probably rescue in nature, because when there's a drop of rain falling from the sky, all hell breaks loose on the roads. I got to the station and a short time later, Walt and John, his cameraman, showed up. We agreed to wait for them for a bit. After a few minutes, Walt began to ask me questions about the project - a pre-interview, if you will. He sat in the Eyewitness News truck and I sat in my car on the ramp at the station exchanging questions and answers. Just as I was about to suggest trying to find another venue, Engine 8 returned to quarters. I ran in and talked quickly with Ernie to let him know what was happening, said hello to "my guys" and then introduced Walt and John to them.

The next forty minutes were a bit of a blur. John had me put on a microphone - which automatically made my stomach knot up - and the next thing I knew, I was talking with Walt about the project. I didn't even realize that John was filming part of it as we spoke. Once I was aware of the camera, I just tried to ignore it as best I could and focus on talking with Walt. After talking with me for a bit, they decided that they wanted to get some footage of me filming with Ernie. I took out my camera and started to talk with Ernie, who was explaining the Engine's function and purpose to the fire service. Ernie, being a rather shy type, was a bit nervous about doing this. Initially, he tried to get Todd Jones to do it. I think we all knew that wasn't going to happen - he's even more shy than Ernie is. Ernie did agree to do it and I began to film with him. John followed me around with his camera as I filmed Ernie talking about the Engine.

So, the piece is shot. I don't know yet when it will air, but I'll post the date when I find out. We milled around and talked for a little while afterward and once I left the station it hit me again. This isn't about me - it's about the firefighters. However, as I've said before, it does gain attention for the project and people will be looking for it. Hopefully they will remember and when it's ready to air, they'll watch.

More importantly - they'll learn about the true value of these amazing men and women who have dedicated their lives to the fire service. Hopefully my admiration and respect for them will become contagious. With any luck.